I love me some down and dirty fighting, especially when it involves a few "ladies." This time though I just didn't have it in me. I couldn't find the snark, its just too easy. Just take a gander at the cast of characters.
Andy Cohen...looking freakishly underweight. His hair all napped up like Bravo couldn't afford air conditioning and his Jew-Fro was out of control. The gleam in his eye is because he is getting paid to shit stir. Yawn, been there done that, have the hat, the tee-shirt and again yawn. I like to look at Andy but he is otherwise useless to me. He offers nothing other than a good old fashioned stiffy.
Brandish, what can one say? Her position is indefensible. She is a two bit, ex model with droopy skin and a penchant for whining. Besides being married and divorced by Eddie Rimes, what the hell is interesting about her? Betraying Lisa Vanderpump? Flipping off the world on Twitter? Again, I am inserting a yawn.
Vyle Richards. The housewife who is so rampantly unpopular she has to use her maiden name and not that of her Mexi-Cali-Jew husband, Mo'Ricio Urbanski. (And by the way, how the hell did a Mexican Jew get a Polish name, yeah, that still stumps the hell out me) Vyle is well...vyle. She is mean, sneaky, nasty and even though she is still trying to rock her Crystal Gale hair-don't, Panteen still hasn't made her their spokes model (yes, laugh loudly now). The only thing I can even come remotely close to nice in saying about Vyle is the fact she finally traded in her green stamps for an upper lip. Yes lawd.
Kim Richards? Well, dear sweet little Kim. In recovery Kim, you know the one with pupils the size of pin heads? The gal who slurs her words and stumbles around praying to garbage cans? Yeah, that Kim. Well after years of rampant drug and alcohol abuse and being pimped out to Hollywood she has the face of a well loved Birken handbag and a dog which is smarter than she is. Kim has been in and out of rehab so many times they now give her frequent flyer miles at the Betty Ford Center. The whole bullshit about her getting her sobriety on the show was well, for the show. If Kim is sober than I have regrown my Hymen, supposing I ever had one, like Kim's sobriety. A yawn. No story line, just a bunch of loosely strung together mishaps in which Kim acts the part of idiot with a heart.
YoYo Foster. White pants, Lymes disease. Wife of the illustrious DAVID FOSTER, who has worked with.....just insert a few well known entertainers cuz' I am too tired to type. Yawn, meds, Yawn.
Joyce and her over fed Belgian husband? Ummmm...(Crickets)
Carlton, I grew up in South Africa and had black friends and am a sex pot? She uses ball gags cuz' even her husband doesn't want to hear her. Is probably screwing the Nanny and several of the other household staff. Yeah, so what Carlton, I have spent lots of time on Fire Island prior to AIDS. Big Whoop!
Lisa Vanderpump? Again Yawn. Starred in a couple movies. Is part owner in a couple restaurants. Thinks before she speaks, some may call that manipulative, I call it smart. Is married to a gallant man, but really they are British so they don't spark my interest.
Maybe I have changed, maybe I am bored. These shows are just about how outrageous they can be all season and then Andy can rankle the ladies and for 2 or 3 Reunion shows he can shit stir and get a woody over all the cat fighting. It just doesn't do it for me anymore.
People takes sides, defend this ladies (a term I use loosely) to the death, Twitter wars erupt and I yawn. I don't care about these ladies nor their lives. The are not living lives I would want. I don't ever want to see my droopy ass sqoozed into a dress my daughter should be slapped for wearing. I don't ever want to see one of my booze induced sex-capades on national TV (Thanks LuAnn and Back Door Sonja). Nope. There isn't any class in any of these ladies. Lisa hanging with her staff? Really? Brandish so shit faced she had to claim food poisoning and TMJ? No thanks. I am not much but I prefer my dirt to stay safely in the subconsciousness of those I got fuckered up with, thank you very much.
I might Tweet for the second part of the shit fest called Part 2 of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills or I may not. I am not sure. What I do know is many are like me. Many are leaving the shows because they are becoming less real, less interesting and more like The Bad Girls Club, just with more money for production. I like to make others laugh and interact with my followers on Twitter but I just couldn't bring myself to endure another Reunion.
And that my friends is just how I see it.
