Something Old, Something New

Earlier this week, while going about my life, I received a request on Facebook by someone to be my friend.  I didn't see any obvious connections, so I accepted him and decided to see how it played out.  I consider myself computer and social networking savvy so I didn't consider it too much.  A little while later I was trying to clean out my email accounts and chatting on Twitter when the person instant messaged me on FB.  So he said hi, asked how I was and I did the same.  Then came the bomb.  Do you know a person named TJ?  I was just stunned.  TJ was my ex from over 20 years ago.  Now I have this chubby little Mexican guy asking if I know TJ.  Valentino was this creeps name.  Wait for it, its gets better.  Anyhow, we continue chatting.  I am trying to figure out why my ex's boyfriend would be contacting me.  Inquiring minds and shit.  So I decide to ask him.  He tells me TJ only has nice things to say about me.  I don't about him, but whatever.  They were talking and my name came up so Valentino runs to his laptop and searches me out on Facebook.  Now I know this guy is up to no good.  But I continue to play along, trying to see where this is gonna go and when will I lower the boom and lock my stuff down.

I decided to get off the computer and get some stuff down around the house.  As I was doing my charwomen routine I was thinking.  Thinking of why in the hell would some border hopping Mexican with no education, no money, and obviously no dignity contact me?  It hit me, the guy was insecure or there must be problems in their relationship.  The memories started to flood back.  TJ and all of his BS.  TJ loved to play with people.  Loved to wind them up and then sit back and watch the fireworks.  He was a prolific, serial even, cheater and was pron to very, and I repeat, very young men.  If TJ could lie and get away with it, he would.  He was incapable of telling the truth.  

As these memories came back to me.  I realized I was no longer angry or even hurt.  I was thankful.  Thankful he was no longer in my life.  Valentino had pictures on his page of him, them.  I looked and was amazed at just how FAT TJ had become and how stupid he looked.  Valentino told me TJ didn't like cell phones and was a REPUBLICAN and still in the closet!  More than thankful, I was grateful.  Dodged that bullet.

We were so young, naive and full of hormones.  I was 19 and he was 20.  We were together for almost 10 years.  Shortly before my 29th birthday, TJ announced he was leaving me for one of his illegal boy toys.  To be honest, I was relieved.  I was tired of the lies, the cheating and most of all, being hurt.  All these years later, I look back and think how could I have put up with such things.  The beatings, the mistreatment I suffered at his hands.  I once received a phone call from one of his other ex's, he told me TJ was just like I said he was and how sorry he was for ever believing him in regards to me.  I yawned and hung up.  

Valentino is a 52 year old man.  His citizen status is suspect.  He currently works at MacDonald's (yes, giggle, I did).  TJ doesn't acknowledge him at a husband, partner nor boyfriend.  They live together in TJ's house.  When TJ's Dad passed away last year, Valentino was not allowed to come to CT with him for the funeral.  I took the information in and just shook my head.  I really did dodge a bullet.

I, of course, blocked Valentino on Facebook.  I see he has done the same.  All week in the back of my mind the words, closure..gratefulness and peace with my past kept creeping into my thoughts.  I always wonder what it would be like to run into an ex.  Someone I had loved, spent many years with and pined over when it was over.  Now I know.  I am so happy to not have that in my life.  TJ would appear to be the same self-loathing, lying, manipulative person he always was.  I almost feel sorry for him.  Sorry he didn't grow or change and blossom.  Instead, he is still unhappy.

I took an inventory of myself.  I am single, 49 years old and peaceful.  I know myself and actually like who I have become.  I am not ashamed of my homosexuality.  Quite the contrary, I boast about it.  I would like to think I have become a nicer, more compassionate person.  So would like to thank Valentino and even TJ for helping to remind me just how far I have come.  How much I have changed and grown.

Thanks guys for giving me the gift of hindsight.  I really appreciate it.